NEWS AT 11: Budding Writer Feels Like Insecure Teenager Again

I DID IT, you all! I've found the Fountain of Youth. I didn't need an antique map or magical compass, though I did have to charge through uncharted territory to get there. And now, instead of being the 33 year old adult that I was- happy to wear two different socks, satisfied without makeup in public, and totally at ease with my faults, I have become an insecure teenager again. HIGH FIVE! (Or is that, like, totally lame?"

Unfortunately, I still have the body of someone with three kids and all the financial responsibility that I had before, but now I get to wonder if I'm good enough, if anyone will ever want me, and compare myself to others that are cooler, more successful, and better than I am...at writing. YIPPEE!

Hey you! No shoving! There's plenty Agua de Vida to go around...

No matter what age you begin writing (God bless those souls that start while they are insecure teenagers already- of course, getting it over with in one punch seems like an alright idea now that I think about it) everyone will go through an "I'm just a kid again" phase. The one where you attempt in vain to make yourself a part of the "cool table", tight roll your pants, and meekly opt to keep your true self buried while you try on all the hats from other's heads and wonder why they don't look right on you. Hold on to your seatbelts, it's a bumpy ride...I should know, I'm in the middle of it now.

Don't fret because, like the awkward teenage years eventually did, it'll pass. (I tell myself this anyway) And we will become surer writers in the end, ones that can read a published book without comparing it unfairly to our own rough draft. We will finally find our own voice, which had been there all the time but was shyly peeking out from behind Mother's skirt. We will embrace our weaknesses, learn from our mistakes and in the end, we will be strong enough to hug up the next generation of evolving writers, give them some Oxy, and remind them it will all be okay- we know because we were there.

This is the lecture I give myself from time to time. Of course, the times of insecurity are maniacally contrasted by periods of overconfidence when I declare I am the best at everything. But hey, I'm a teenager- I'll grow out of it.

My Rough Draft is Crappier Than Yours!

So you get to the end of your rough draft! Yay! Congratulations! Sure, it's rough- I wonder if that's how it got its name...yes. It is because rough drafts are supposed to stink like last month's dirty diapers. Thank goodness mine doesn't disappoint.

Okay fine. So maybe I'm being overly critical (or dare I say it...dramatic?!) but I haven't been able to take my eyes off of it since I completed it and since it's been hard to concentrate on anything else (see date of last blog post for confirmation), and the more I look at it the more I feel like taking a red pen and marking out every. single. word.

Then I "talk" to my Facebook writer's group- a collection of people from whom I receive a huge amount of support (which is something fantastic indeed since a lot of online writer's groups post a lot of self-promotion and not a lot of writer-to-writer talk)- and I read about what to do next, and I'm told by anyone who has walked this path to step away from it for a good long while- 4 to 6 weeks to be exact- which may seem like a small task, even a blessing, but when you are wholly vested in the 60,000+ words of your story and you have a date in mind when you want to see it on your shelf (summer 2013), you don't have time to dilly dally with letting your story marinate and your eyes see it fresh. Fresh. I can look at it with fresh eyes after only 4 days- just watch me. Oh wait, go back to previous text...It stinks. Mark out every word. Start all over again.

Seriously, people, at this point, I've totally rewritten about 2,000 words with a totally new voice, a new story line in mind, and you guessed it- a new working title. Know another way to describe this...yeah- writing a NEW BOOK. I don't know if that is covered under the guise of editing but I'm about to find out.

If you clicked on this post hoping to get a tidbit of advice from an old pro- back up in your browser and try the next article- this girl is as green as green bowl full of green peas in the green grass covered in moldy green mint cookies. Green, green, green. However, if you clicked on this hoping to commiserate, laugh at a completely disillusioned writer, or perhaps feel a little better that you only want to mark out every. other. word, then let's hug and have a good laugh because that's what I'm here for.

If you think that this is a sign of me giving up. Forget it. Not happening. If you think that this is the sign of me reading any and everything regarding editing, rewriting, and bugging every person I know that has published a book for sage-like advice, then ding-ding! you're totally on target. (And no, I am not feeling aggressive, just passionately convincing myself that failure is not an option.)

Get your red pens ready...in 4 to 6 weeks.

Uh-huh- I've cartooned myself editing without a shirt on. I work from home, aren't you glad?